So. I screwed up tonight. I had such an amazing day.
I'm feeling off because of woman stuff that I'm not used to having to deal with.
I didn't eat anything that was outside of my food realm...
just a few HANDFULS of macadamia nuts. almost 1000 calories worth. They will be going into the freezer in the shed tomorrow. Or to my mom's house or somewhere that I cant get to them. They are a trigger food.
I feel like absolute CRAP right now. I honestly want to sit here and weep. and then EAT MORE NUTS. I've been off all day. this just puts the icing on the cake for me. I feel like I've failed.
I know tomorrow is a new day. And I'm sure that I'll be ok. I'm a blubbering fool of a mess right now and I'm very pissed at myself.
I dont need sympathy, I just needed to get it off my chest. If I dont tell someone, it will keep happening and that's the last thing I want. I almost think it would have been better if it were bread, or brownies or something like that. but NUTS? FATTY NUTS? I kept telling myself that I didn't need any more, and when I found myself 'sneaking' them. I knew I had to stop. So now I'm obsessing over the fact that I just screwed up big time and I'm sure I've let people down, people who believed in me. I know I let myself down. It makes me want to eat, why not huh? I've already screwed up. (I'm not going to... I refuse to let myself fall into that round robin)
Tomorrow I will pick myself back up, dust myself off and walk out on this pity party. And put those damn nuts far away.
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